LET LYRICAL LANGUAGE ADD MUSIC TO YOUR WRITING

 
by Buffy Silverman

You’ve revised and polished your nonfiction manuscript. But the language still feels flat. How
can you add sparkle to your words?

Consider using some of the techniques that make poetry a pleasure to read aloud. Lyrical
language can elevate your words and bring your subject to life. Let’s look at a few recent picture books that combine a nonfiction subject with lyrical language.

Read the opening of Leslie Barnard Booth’s ONE DAY THIS TREE WILL FALL aloud:

 

        LOOK AT IT.
        Wounded, worn, twisted, torn.
        One day this tree will fall
        and this story will end.
        Won’t it?

Notice how it captivates a reader with alliteration and internal rhyme. Wounded, worn, twisted, torn rolls off the tongue because of the repeated initial sounds, rhythm, and rhyme. At the same time, these words create a vivid image in the reader’s mind. The brevity of the two-word question at the end of this opening spread entices the reader to turn the page.

The author also uses repetition to create music in her words:

        This tree grew.
        And grew…
        despite wind
        despite ice
        despite
        drought
        drought
        drought.

The repeated words create rhythm that propels the narrative forward.

 

WIND IS A DANCE by Debra Kempf Shumaker also uses repetition to great effect. The phrase

“Wind is a…” is repeated as a refrain that connects the book’s theme. Consider these words that answer the book’s opening question: What is wind?
        

        Wind is a dance—a dance of air.
        Warm air leaps high, while cool air bows low.
        Day by day, fast or slow, wind changes.

Wind is described with other metaphors: a butterfly, a puppy, a boxer, a train. Each metaphor is expanded with vivid verbs that describe both wind and what it is compared to:

        wind is a whisk--
        churning and whipping
        a batter of clouds and rain
        over the warm ocean.

The initial drafts of my 2024 book, STARLIGHT SYMPHONY, were written in perfectly fine
prose. But that perfectly-fine prose was not ready to capture a reader’s (or editor’s!) attention.
Here’s the opening of an early draft:

        The light dims and the curtain rises.
        The musicians prepare to play.
        The flutist plays a cheery melody:
        Ee-oh-lay, ee-oh-lay! sings wood thrush
        from his perch on the maple tree.

I had chosen to compare the songs of nighttime animals to different musical instruments. I had included onomatopoeia so that a reader could hear the animals’ songs. I had written back matter that explained the function of each animal’s song. But the text was still missing something that I couldn’t identify.

I was fortunate to win the SCBWI Michigan picture book mentorship with Kelly DiPucchio in
2019, and sent her the prose version of STARLIGHT SYMPHONY. Kelly’s immediate response was: “Please don't shoot me. LOL!  I love your concept BUT......I feel like this manuscript, in particular, would be stronger in rhyme.” Of course she was correct—a symphony should have musical language! While it was a challenge to change a prose manuscript into one with rhythm and rhyme, it was the revision that this manuscript needed. Here’s the opening stanzas of the final version:

        The lighting dims.
        The curtain lifts.
        Musicians gather.
        Spotlight shifts.

        A flutist’s
        airy melody
        sparkles in
        a lakeside tree.

        Eee-oh-lay!
        Wood thrush sings
        with silver notes
        and copper wings.

The short sentences, imagery, rhythm and rhyme make this a book that I hope readers will want to read and listen to, while still focusing on the sounds of animals.

Writing in rhyme is only one way to add music to your language. Explore other poetic techniques like alliteration, assonance, consonance, onomatopoeia, repetition, metaphors, similes, and personification. Read your work-in-progress aloud. Will a sprinkle of lyrical language add sparkle to your words?

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Buffy Silverman is the author of many nonfiction books for children. STARLIGHT SYMPHONY (Millbrook Press, 2024) received starred reviews from Kirkus and Booklist. Other recent titles include ON A SNOW-MELTING DAY (NCTE Notable Poetry book, Kirkus star review), ON A GOLD-BLOOMING DAY (CLA/NCTE Notable Book in the Language Arts, Bank Street Best Books) and ON A FLAKE-FLYING DAY. She lives near a swampy lake in Michigan where she enjoys outdoor time with her dog, photographing nature, and writing poetry.